The Great Akatsuki Interview!
by ShockValueAuthor
Summary: Takaso Mitsuri hasthe chance to interview members of the Akatsuki! Wait until you see their takes on life...! Rated T unless update other things... Please review!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Wish I did… -_-

The Great Akatsuki Interview!

A traveling columnist from Konohagakure was walking around an unknown area to her when she was caught off guard by two men. At least, one looked like a man; the other, she wasn't so sure. They knocked her out, and when she woke up, she was somewhere she didn't recognize.

"Hello…?"

"Heh- You're up."

She turned around to face the speaker. What a surprise, it was a member of the Akatsuki! Well, she should've remembered what the cloaks looked like an the first place… She sighed.

The guy was a redhead with an intense and impatient stare. She looked at him for a minute, then gaped at him.

"Akasuna no Sasori!" She excitedly bowed her head.

He gave a look of confusion. "And you know me how, exactly?"

"Well, of course! How could I not!" She flipped open her little bag and pulled out a card. "I'm Takaso Mitsura, head columnist for interviews for the Konoha Newsletter!" She beamed proudly.

"Ah. So it's an interview you want?"

She smiled widely. "You'd let me?"

"I have nothing better to do." Sasori sat down on a chair. So did Mitsura. Opening a small book and grabbing a pen from her satchel, she leaned forward intently.

"Let's begin!"

Interviewee #1- Sasori

"Okay, Sasori-sama, first question." Mitsura said, with a purely professional tone in her voice. "What is it like here in this organization?"

"Oh, like hell. My partner…" She arched an eyebrow, to which he responded brusquely, "Not an intimate one; we are put into pairs for our missions. In any event, my partner is Deidara. He's an idiotic brat, really. And I swear that he has a speech impediment or something of that nature. It's annoying. And the rest of them? Itachi is, in my opinion, an overly intense wannabe gothic bastard who can't seem to 'get any', so it makes him like a female on PMS. Tobi is… He's Tobi. A hyper animal on crack or something, I don't know. Kisame isn't too bad; he's relatively mellow. Hidan and Kakuzu generally stay to themselves, unless Hidan's annoying the hell out of everyone by screaming profanities out like there's no tomorrow. Kakuzu is simply a money hoarder." Sasori chuckles. "I stole two-hundred yen from him and put it in Deidara's pocket. He practically killed Deidara when I said something. Otherwise, Leader-sama and Konan are tolerable at this point. So, next question?"

Mitsuri cleared her throat, surprised at the bluntness of his response. She flipped to the next blank page of her book. "Okay. What is the weirdest thing that you like?"

"That's none of your business."

"He's into gay porn!" A voice called out from the doorway.

"Shut up, Kisame!" Sasori growled.

Kisame walked in, hoisting his sword over his shoulder. "I'm only kidding. So, what's going on in here anyway?"

"I'm taking an interview to pass my boredom," Sasori said impatiently.

"Oh. Mind if I join in?"

Mitsuri smiled. "Sure! If that's okay with Sasori-sama."

Sasori gave a small shrug. "I'll leave so you two can have your fun." With that he left.

Kisame sat down in the same chair as Sasori had, his frame dwarfing the piece of furniture. "Fire away."

She pumped a fist in the air. "Right! Let's go!"


	2. Chapter 2

Interviewee #2- Kisame

"Okay." Mitsura said excitedly, "I guess I'll start off with the same question as Sasori-sama. What's it like here?"

"You've got no idea. My mission teammate is one of the last living from the Uchiha clan; and frankly, Itachi seems to be emotionally fragile." Kisame let out a low laugh. "Plus, I think he's got a thing for his younger brother."

Mitsura felt her jaw drop a bit- she knew Sasuke from the Village. Though personally, she didn't think Sasuke would go that way (and hoped to God not with his brother. Good writing material, but two brothers like them…? Then again, Sasuke was attractive…and his brother probably was too, so…) Mitsura shook her head.

_What is wrong with me? That's it- too many dango with Anko. That's what's making me think so stupidly…_

She heard a snap of someone's fingers. She looked up to find Kisame shaking in head in amusement.

"Sorry about that, Kisame-san!" She said, embarrassed.

He laughed. "You one of those fan-girl types or something?"

"No, no," She flipped her booklet again. "I'm done spacing out, if you want to finish your response…"

He leaned back in his chair, making it creak slightly. "Well, Sasori is a total perfectionist with his puppets, and Deidara and him go at it all the time, arguing about which art form is better. Personally, I'm not one for art… Just murder." He grinned, and Mitsura got a _very_ cold chill down her spine when she saw the sharp teeth. "Just kidding- I love doing that to people. It sparks interesting reactions."

"Ah."

Kisame went on to explain about a few other members, including Hidan being a religious freak (which surprised Mitsura since he apparently had a foul mouth, to put lightly), and more about Konan.

"Konan is alright, but don't get her pissed," Kisame let out a low whistle. "She'll knock you back in place ass first, no problem. Even if she didn't… Pein certainly would."

"Pein?" Mitsura asked. "Who's that?"

"Leader-sama. He's what I suppose you could call our boss."

"Oh. Next question; what's a favorite food you like?"

Kisame pointed to his gills and teeth. "Fish."

"Sorry… I guess it was obvious…" She noticed his sword. "Oh, okay, here's one! What about the sword you carry?"

Kisame had some affection in his voice. "It's my Samehada- it means 'Sharkskin'. It's a very powerful weapon, and it will injure anyone else who tries to use it. Not to mention, it's serrated and devours chakra."

"Ouch."

"For you, maybe." Kisame chuckled.

Mitsura flipped to another page. "Okay- Is there anyone else that wants to be interviewed…?"

"Tobi will do it!"

There was a collective, "TOBI SHUT UP!"

Sasori walked into the room again, talking to Kisame. "I'm going to the hot spring for some water for my Jutsu. Don't let Tobi find me."

"Who's Tobi?" Mitsura asked.

"Oh, trust me- you'll know. He's on a permanent sugar high, probably coupled with crack." Sasori said, clearly annoyed.

Kisame nodded. A few seconds after Sasori left, someone, who pretty much looked like a lollipop with a cloak and feet, skipped into the room.

Oh yeah… That's definitely Tobi…

"Kisame-san! Where is-"

Kisame pointed to the door. "Hot spring."

"Okay!"

Not five minutes later there was a loud, "KISAME YOU SON OF A BITCH!" and a splash.

Kisame burst out laughing. "At least wood floats, especially when it's full of hot air!"

"Don't make fun of Sasori-danna!" A person with long blonde hair put up in a partial tail-like fashion came in, adorned the same Akatsuki attire.

"Sorry, Deidara." Kisame gave Mitsura a small wink and stood up, looking at Deidara. "Want to do an interview? Sasori did it too."

"Sure, un." Deidara sat down as Kisame left.


	3. Chapter 3

Interviewee #3- Deidara

Deidara leaned against the wall in front of Mitsura, giving her a very pissed off expression. She shrank back slightly and flipped to another blank page.

"Why are you giving me that look?" She asked weakly.

He didn't say anything for a minute, until, in a very low voice, he growled, "You stepped on my spider, un."

Her face paled. "Was it your pet? I'm so sorry; please forgive me…"

Deidara's lips curved into an amused smile. "It's fine, I guess. But if you do it again I will kill you. Fair, un?"

"Yes Deidara-sempai."

"Ugh, please don't call me that. Tobi calls me that all the time, un."

Mitsura deliberately kept her mouth shut about the speech impediment Sasori had mentioned earlier. No need to instigate with someone who already seemed a bit…psychotic.

"Oh, okay then!" Mitsura said happily, "What's so bad about Tobi?"

"Do you know what cocaine is, un?"

"Uh, yes, I do. Why do you ask?"

"Because Tobi is permanently stuck on a switch that makes him look like he's on the stuff, un. It would be funny, were it not for the fact that he's so annoying…"

She jotted his response down, and upon looking up to his face, she noticed one of his hands were chewing on something. "Um, what is your hand doing?"

"I'm mashing together my chakra with clay to create bombs." Deidara declared proudly. "It's my art, un." He leaned forward slightly, his eye without hair over it narrowed. "Do you like art?"

"…Yes."

"What kind?"

"I like magic; you know, illusions-"

"AH I SWEAR TO GOD I AM SO GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"What did I do?!"

Kisame came back into the room, surveying the scene ; Mitsura curled up in her chair, looking terrified, and Deidara…well…

"Come on, Deidara," Kisame said smoothly, "You need some rest."

"No I do not, un." He snapped.

While Deidara went through a string of curses, Kisame gave Mitsura an amused grin. "You said something about Itachi, didn't you?"

"…I don't think I did, is that bad?"

"Long story short, Mi-chan," Kisame stated bluntly, "Deidara was defeated by Itachi in a fight. Deidara loses. Itachi used his Sharingan to defeat Deidara. Blonde girly man goes more psychotic and-"

Deidara came up from behind Kisame and dumped little spiders all over him.

Mitsura to this day does not know were they all came from in such a short time.

Kisame tried batting them off. Deidara laughed. "See how you like being humiliated, only I'm going to kill you!"

"That defeats the purpose, don't you think?"

"Shut up." Deidara snapped again.

"Fish are friends, not food!"

"Sharks aren't fish, you idiot!"

"Yes they are!"

"Prove it, un!"

"I watch educational television! I know!"

Mitsura was very quiet for a few minutes, wordlessly observing the two S-Class criminals argue. It was then she decided that she liked Kisame, and seriously thought that Deidara needed professional help.

Kisame picked up Deidara and started making for the door. He turned his head and winked at Mitsura. "Hidan's outside the door if you want to talk to him…"

"Is he like…you know…" She pointed to Deidara, who kept glaring at her.

"Decide for yourself." With that the two left.


End file.
